Session 9 — Mystery 4, Part 2

What Happened

Investigations into brain entities, extraterrestrial algae, and a mine that haunts your dreams were put on hold when Doctor Webb's family came to visit — bringing news of a miracle tonic that had captured the townsfolk's hearts and wallets. The team's probe into the cure-all — the work of one H.G. Farmswatter — soon had them all suffering a mysterious, terrible thirst. Ms March tricked Farmswatter into locking her in his waggon and, once inside, discovered a giant cactus in a tub full of blood. Just as she attempted her escape, she was shot in the neck with a huge cactus needle…

A Fake Directive?

Before the action resumed, Cuthbert reconsidered the Order's second message. The instruction "Not your mission. Stand down." did not print out from his watch — it appeared only after the original message had faded away "Marty McFly style." It may therefore not be a genuine message from the Order at all, but a fake directive from the Hollowed Ones — an attempt to dissuade Cuthbert from investigating further.

NAT: That wasn't A.I.. That was B.I. — Brendan Intelligence.

The Very Tall Child

The gang were scattered across different parts of the market. Alfie went looking for Cuthbert, spotted a pair of people he took to be Ms March and Cuthbert, and followed them out of the market. When he finally caught up, it turned out he had been tailing a woman with close-cropped hair and a child.

ALFIE: Shizer!
BRENDAN: Which did you think was which?!
KATE: It was a very tall child.

Alfie had thought the very tall child was Ms March. Doctor Webb, also searching for the team, saw Alfie follow the pair and made the exact same mistake — and so followed Alfie out of the market.

Inside the Waggon

Ms March, bleeding from the neck, pushed over a wooden desk and took cover behind it. She recalled that whiskey had harmed the growth that infected Bart Fletchley's corn — and that these cacti seemed similar to that diseased corn. She had already damaged one of the small cacti with a cleaver in Part 1.

Outside, Farmswatter clocked that Doctor Webb was leaving the market and that the Webb family had begun telling people the miracle cure does not work. He tried to calm the crowd, then turned back to Cuthbert, who was standing with him outside the rear of the waggon. Cuthbert heard the commotion inside — Ms March moving the desk.

As Farmswatter, distracted, began unlocking the chains with his back turned, Cuthbert took his chance to stab him — and missed, hitting the door instead.

CUTHBERT (covering): I'm used to spiders being awfully dangerous where I'm from.

Farmswatter opened the door, saw Ms March crouched behind a table with a gun trained on him, and slammed it shut again — now panicked. Cuthbert ducked. Ms March, Unstable and carrying a −1 ongoing, burned her first Luck point to turn a shaky Kick Some Ass into a clean success and shot Farmswatter in the stomach.

H.G. FARMSWATTER: Well, gee whiz, what did you do that for?

Panicking, Farmswatter poured cactus water on his wound. The four small cacti had vanished from the workshop.

H.G. FARMSWATTER: I can at least feed Mother. (he squeezes blood from his wound into the tub of offal)
H.G. FARMSWATTER: What I'm trying to do is help people and you two are ruining it.

Whiskey Is the Weakness

Farmswatter asked whether Cuthbert and Ms March truly wanted to be the people who denied the townsfolk the nectar of the gods.

MS MARCH: I like to be feared.

Ms March held out her whiskey to Cuthbert, prompting him to remember the other plants that were so very thirsty — but she would not hand it over until he agreed verbally. Cuthbert took the booze and poured it onto the giant mother cactus. It absorbed the liquor; its flesh began to bubble, blister and burst. The whiskey stripped away the cactus's heavy fleshy armour.

H.G. FARMSWATTER: Why are you doing that? You're hurting her!

Farmswatter revealed he had got the cactus from "the blessed desert."

MS MARCH: Have you fucked this cactus?
KATE: And on that, we will cut outside…

The Cacti Break Loose

Outside, Alfie and Doctor Webb reunited. Doctor Webb handed Alfie the hipflask from his bag, and Alfie downed it to quench his thirst — not knowing what was coming.

The crowd began to shriek and scream. A woman turned to face them, her face covered in little cactus spines. The four unpotted cacti had appeared in the open and were the cause of the panic.

Doctor Webb reached for his biggest Bedside Manner yet:

DOCTOR WEBB: Everything will be better if you have a drink. Everyone, go to Dan Randy's.

The message rippled through the crowd — the Webb family among them — and people dispersed, murmuring that they should believe him, on account of him being Doctor Webb / a doctor.

Alfie destroyed one of the cacti with a machete — the one Ms March had already halved and left leaking sap inside the waggon. When a cactus is destroyed it bursts, throwing spines at anyone nearby (1 Harm, negated by armour). Buck and Colt asked how to help; Doctor Webb handed them the varmint rifle, and the two brothers began throwing it between each other to take turns firing. Buck's first shot missed, embedding a few spines in his own thigh.

Killing the Mother

Back in the waggon, Farmswatter — bleeding, desperate — cried "The little ones!" and, on the cactus-fucking question, protested "No kink shaming!" before running out.

Ms March shot the now-unarmoured mother cactus. It pulsated and wriggled; its fleshy heart-flower turned to her and fired a spine that struck the exact same spot in her neck as before, splitting the first spine down the middle.

KATE: Yep, you've been Robin Hooded by a cactus.

Cuthbert used the remaining whiskey as a spell component — pouring it into his hand and conjuring a sphere of magical moisture with a chime-like sound, which he hurled at the cactus. It struck home.

CUTHBERT (having done magic right in front of Ms March): You saw that one, right?

The base of the mother cactus pulsed. A human hand in the vat of guts writhed, and a baby cactus emerged — the mother had given birth.

CUTHBERT: If we're keeping a specimen, we're taking the baby. Kill the mama.

Cuthbert shouted to anyone outside: "get H.G."

The Trial of H.G. Farmswatter

The message was hard to make out over the crowd, but the instruction "get him" carried. Alfie machete'd another cactus (it exploded with clear goo). Farmswatter stumbled out of the waggon, bleeding.

DOCTOR WEBB: You charlatan.

Doctor Webb drove his poison scalpel into Farmswatter's existing stomach wound and manoeuvred him in front of one of the remaining cacti. Weaponless, Farmswatter could not hit back — but he could talk, and he turned the crowd:

H.G. FARMSWATTER (to the crowd): They're fighting me. They're stabbing me. I'm just trying to help the town.

He directed the mob toward Alfie and Doctor Webb and revealed there were two more people in the waggon. Accusations flew. One townsperson claimed their ninety-six-year-old grandfather had died and Doctor Webb had had the audacity to say nothing could be done; another said Doctor Webb cured her pink eye but it came back. The crowd was divided.

Alfie turned it around: he told the mob that all their water was being stolen — that was why everyone suddenly felt so thirsty — and that H.G. was responsible. Even the two who had spoken against Doctor Webb conceded they felt thirsty and had chapped lips.

TOWNSFOLK (to H.G.): Are you stealing our water?

The Big Old Gun

Ms March, holding her neck, admitted she's "more good at shooting" than helping — and took a further point of Harm as trying to give Cuthbert shooting instructions aggravated the needle in her neck. Cuthbert carried her repeater like a musket and hit the mother's flower straight down the middle; it folded back, plant matter sloughing off.

The plant's response to damage was to shoot out a familiar red powdery mist — the same red spore mist last seen with the red algae. Cuthbert and Ms March, who had not touched the miracle cure, were not vulnerable to it. A spine caught Cuthbert's hand.

CUTHBERT (as Ms March tried to speak through her injury): Don't speak, it will make it worse!

The Cactus Party

The red mist drifted through the waggon's walls into the crowd. Doctor Webb, who had drunk the cure earlier, felt lightheaded but covered his mouth and nose in time. Alfie's mouth was open — the mist went straight in.

Alfie felt the best he had ever felt. Colours brightened; people looked at him with love, affection, trust. Maude Webb, who had been shepherding people to safety, took the pins from her hair and grabbed Alfie to dance, muttering that he's much younger than her, but that's okay… A party atmosphere erupted as the euphoric high hit the crowd.

NAT: Oh my god, everyone's going to fuck a cactus.

Alfie brought out his guitar and played the Earl song in a major key for once. It was so moving that people under the mist fell to their knees and sobbed — "the most beautiful thing I ever heard." Then a familiar, flat voice spoke in Alfie's head:

Focus.

Doctor Webb — who, when asked, admitted he doesn't think he's ever had time to go to a party — moved toward the source of the mist and threw open the waggon doors on quite a scene: an injured Ms March, Cuthbert, a big cactus, a baby cactus.

CUTHBERT: Can you understand us?
DOCTOR WEBB (surveying the self-evident carnage): Yes.

Ms March handed her Winchester to Doctor Webb and dragged herself behind cover. Doctor Webb focused all his pent-up fury — at Farmswatter tricking the town, tricking his mother, and questioning his integrity in front of everyone — and fired a bullseye into the flower. The mother cactus exploded; its death-spines struck the wood and the table but missed Ms March, and the armour worn by all three inside spared them any Harm. The gelatinous mother disintegrated into its tub of viscera. Dead.

Ms March pointed at the baby cactus as it scurried at them. Cuthbert fired and missed; the baby slammed into his leg (1 Harm). Ms March fired Sunday Morning into the middle of it and it exploded. She read the room: weird shit aplenty (pickled mice in jars), but no more cacti — safe, so long as no one drinks the mice.

MS MARCH (gargling, of the needles): These damn things couldn't have hit me in the ears instead.

Alfie Comes Down

The mist dissipated. Alfie shook it off just as his song ended, striking three discordant chords, windmilling his arm Pete-Townshend-style and screaming — to a shocked crowd. A woman who had climbed a stall came to her senses ("what am I doing?").

Farmswatter, not looking good, cried "Go, my little ones, be free" — and the two remaining cacti started to scamper. Buck and Colt came out of the stupor (Alfie couldn't remember their names):

ALFIE: Other Webb, other Webb! The cacti! The cacti!

A cactus slammed into Alfie's thigh — Alfie is now Unstable. Colt, having learned to step back before firing, destroyed the penultimate cactus with the varmint rifle. Farmswatter, bleeding heavily, grabbed Alfie's trouser leg and urged him to try more tonic for his "mighty bad wound."

SEAN: What's he holding onto?
KATE: Your leg.
SEAN: I kick him.

Alfie booted Farmswatter in the face, knocking him out cold.

H.G. FARMSWATTER: Just trying to help… (passes out)

Triage and an Execution

The music stopped, the crowd quieted. Ms March pulled a spine from her own neck, healing one injury. Cuthbert mixed magic chalk with blood from his hand and smeared the paste onto Ms March, healing her further. He suggested they find Farmswatter, who might know the source of the corn/cacti spores.

CUTHBERT: I hope he hasn't been kicked to death.

Cuthbert stepped out just in time to watch Alfie boot Farmswatter in the face. Doctor Webb, meanwhile, was briefly frozen by decision paralysis, overwhelmed by the scene.

MS MARCH: I don't want to tell you to do your job, but there's a lot of patients out there.

Ms March, tired of waiting, opted to shoot the final cactus — dealing extra Harm "as it's time to get this over with." It exploded. At that exact moment H.G. Farmswatter opened his eyes — and the spines flew into them. H.G. Farmswatter died. Ms March saw no reason to apologise.

Doctor Webb took charge, running battlefield triage across the marketplace with his family's help. Buck and Colt questioned people (injuries; whether and when they first took the tonic) to set treatment priority; the uninjured were sent to fetch drinks from the stalls and Dan Randy's.

MAUDE (coming round): You are very good at what you do, aren't you?

As the family worked, Colt told Maude she looks good with her hair down.

The Aftermath — and a Missing Ring

Ms March and Cuthbert were frustrated to have lost Farmswatter as a source. If magic is real, Ms March suggested, perhaps Cuthbert could talk to the dead — or at least search the body and waggon for clues.

MS MARCH: If this shit was real, the things I would do… the revenge I would do… There are tonnes of people I'd like to talk to who are dead.
CUTHBERT: Everyone I knew is one hundred years dead. The only thing I want to do is figure out why the fuck I'm here.

Ms March helped Cuthbert search the waggon while also distributing drinks; her bandana soaked through with blood and she took further Harm pushing herself. While rooting through the vat of viscera, Cuthbert lost his pinky ring — the hourglass signet, an accessory from the Order — into the guts, without noticing. He then drove the waggon to Ms March's tent, intending to spend a week investigating Farmswatter's body.

Alfie Embraces the Curse

Alfie spent his second Luck point to succeed at his Dire Circumstances move — his third use of it. A whirlwind of compositions played in his head: unfinished symphonies, half-remembered songs. He reached out to the voice and asked for its help. Humming in his delirium, his wounds began to close.

THE VOICE (clearer than ever): It's okay, boy, I'm here.

Alfie has embraced his curse and his magic. He switches his playbook from The Mundane to The Spooky.

The Mystery

Clues Found

• Alcohol is the cacti's weakness — whiskey/booze bubbles and strips away their heavy fleshy armour, leaving them vulnerable (the same reaction whiskey caused in Bart Fletchley's infected corn)
• When damaged, the mother cactus emits a familiar red powdery mist — matching the red algae spores. It causes euphoria, love/trust/affection, then weeping suggestibility; only those who had drunk the tonic were vulnerable (Alfie inhaled it; Cuthbert and Ms March, who abstained, were immune)
• The tonic wicks moisture from those who drink it — the town's mysterious thirst is the plants stealing their water
• Farmswatter fed the mother cactus his own blood, squeezed from his wound into its vat of offal
• The mother cactus can reproduce — a baby cactus emerged from a writhing human hand in the vat when the mother was under threat
• Destroying any cactus makes it burst, spraying spines (1 Harm, negated by armour); the mother/large flower can also fire aimed spines at range
• Farmswatter said he got the mother cactus from "the blessed desert"
• Cuthbert's theory: the Order's "Not your mission. Stand down." message appeared only after the first message faded (it did not print from the watch) — it may be a fake directive from the Hollowed Ones, not the Order
• Dying/Dead rules (Kate's ruling): a character is Dying at 7 Harm (swift action needed to stabilise/heal); a character is Dead if they take further Harm while at 7

Outcome

Resolved — Mystery 4 complete. The cacti and the mother are destroyed, H.G. Farmswatter is dead, and the town is saved and under Doctor Webb's care. Cuthbert has taken the waggon and Farmswatter's body to Ms March's tent to investigate over the coming week. Alfie has embraced his curse and switched to The Spooky.

Key Characters Met

Loose Threads

• Cuthbert's Order ring: Cuthbert lost his hourglass pinky signet — an Order accessory — in the cactus's vat of viscera, and hasn't noticed it's gone. Where is it now, and does its loss matter?
• The "blessed desert": Farmswatter said the mother cactus came from there. Where is it, and what else grows there?
• A shared spore family: the cacti release the same red mist as the red algae and reminded Ms March of Bart's diseased corn. Are the algae, corn, and cacti — and the Hollowed Ones — one phenomenon?
• A forged order? Cuthbert now suspects the "stand down / sending a warden" message was faked by the Hollowed Ones rather than sent by the Order. Is the Order even aware? Is a warden really coming?
• Cuthbert investigates the body: he's taken the waggon and Farmswatter's corpse to Ms March's tent to study for a week — what will he find? Can he really talk to the dead?
• Alfie has embraced his curse and become The Spooky — the voice ("It's okay, boy, I'm here") is clearer than ever. Whose voice is it, and what does embracing the power cost him?
• The mist made those who'd drunk the tonic euphoric and suggestible; how many townsfolk are still hooked, and will the thirst/spikes-under-the-skin symptoms fade now the plants are dead?
• Rudy Haines is still in the party's care with his bag of money and jewels
• Ms March is still concealing from the team that Earl's toe was missing
• The Hollowed Ones / mine / August March / Doctor Webb's cave-and-hum nightmare all remain open beneath everything

Moves & Highlights

• Alfie — mistook a very tall child for Ms March and tailed the wrong pair out of the market; downed Doctor Webb's hipflask; destroyed three cacti with his machete; convinced the mob that H.G. was stealing their water; inhaled the red mist and got euphorically high; played the Earl song in a major key to a weeping crowd, then crashed out of it Pete-Townshend-style; heard the voice say "Focus"; booted Farmswatter unconscious; went Unstable after a cactus slam; burned his second Luck point for a third Dire Circumstances — reached the voice, healed, and switched to The Spooky
• Cuthbert — floated the theory that the "stand down" order is a Hollowed Ones forgery; failed to stab Farmswatter (hit the door, blamed a spider); talked Ms March into handing over the whiskey (only after a verbal yes); doused the mother cactus to strip its armour; cast a whiskey-fuelled sphere of magical moisture at it (right in front of Ms March); wielded her repeater like a musket for a clean hit; healed Ms March with a blood-and-magic-chalk paste; lost his Order ring in the vat unnoticed; drove the waggon and the body to Ms March's tent for a week's study
• Doctor Webb — made the same "very tall child" error as Alfie and followed him; used his biggest Bedside Manner yet to send the panicking crowd to Dan Randy's; handed the varmint rifle to his brothers; drove his poison scalpel into Farmswatter's wound and used him as a body-shield against a cactus; covered his mouth against the mist in time; opened the waggon, took Ms March's Winchester, and bullseyed the mother cactus dead; briefly froze with decision paralysis before rallying to run mass triage with his family
• Ms March — recalled the whiskey/corn weakness; burned her first Luck point to shoot Farmswatter in the stomach; got "Robin Hooded" — a second spine split the first down the middle in her neck; took repeated Harm from the needle and from pushing herself; shot the mother, the baby cactus (Sunday Morning), and the final cactus — whose burst killed Farmswatter; self-healed by pulling a spine from her neck; distributed drinks and helped search the waggon; unrepentant about the execution

XP & Advances

• XP gained: 2 each. The party solved the mystery, saved someone (the whole town), learnt something new about the world (the Hollowed Ones), and learnt something new about a Hunter's secrets/backstory (the Webb family)
• Advances taken: Alfie changed playbook — The Mundane → The Spooky, embracing his curse

Notes

Memorable quotes:

NAT: That wasn't A.I.. That was B.I. — Brendan Intelligence.
(on Cuthbert spotting the fake Order message)

ALFIE: Shizer!
KATE: It was a very tall child.

H.G. FARMSWATTER: I can at least feed Mother.
(squeezing blood from his own wound into the vat)

MS MARCH: I like to be feared.

MS MARCH: Have you fucked this cactus?
KATE: And on that, we will cut outside…

H.G. FARMSWATTER (on the cactus-fucking question): No kink shaming!

KATE: Yep, you've been Robin Hooded by a cactus.

CUTHBERT (after casting in plain sight): You saw that one, right?

CUTHBERT: If we're keeping a specimen, we're taking the baby. Kill the mama.

DOCTOR WEBB: You charlatan.

DOCTOR WEBB: Everything will be better if you have a drink. Everyone, go to Dan Randy's.

THE VOICE (in Alfie's head, mid-euphoria): Focus.

THE VOICE (clearer than ever, as Alfie embraces the curse): It's okay, boy, I'm here.

CUTHBERT: Everyone I knew is one hundred years dead. The only thing I want to do is figure out why the fuck I'm here.

MS MARCH: If this shit was real, the things I would do… the revenge I would do…

MAUDE: You are very good at what you do, aren't you?
(to her son, watching him run triage)

MS MARCH (gargling, of the needles): These damn things couldn't have hit me in the ears instead.

Table talk:

NAT: Oh my god, everyone's going to fuck a cactus.

BRENDAN (re a spine hitting the same spot): And, like shrapnel, do you remove the spine or leave it in?
NAT: I'd hope you would know that, Doctor.
KATE: No one in Hole ever finds that out.

BRENDAN: They're ninety-six in 1887?
(on a townsperson's grandfather)

SEAN (searching his sheet): Where's my Ass gone?
(looking for his Kick Some Ass stat)

Other notes:

• Cactus weakness confirmed: alcohol strips the fleshy armour — the same thing whiskey did to Bart Fletchley's infected corn. This, plus the shared red mist, ties the cacti to the red algae
• The red mist only affected those who had drunk the tonic — abstainers (Cuthbert, Ms March) were immune; the connection between drinking the cure and vulnerability to the spores is now clear
• Alfie's playbook change is a major beat: the voice that has guided his Dire Circumstances ("that's it" / "very good" / "Focus" / "It's okay, boy, I'm here") is now openly part of him as The Spooky
• Cuthbert doubled down on doing magic in the open — this time directly in front of Ms March, who continues to refuse the supernatural as supernatural
• Doctor Webb both froze (decision paralysis) and then delivered his most decisive work of the campaign (crowd control + mass triage) in the same scene