Ms June March

Background

A schoolteacher — one of Artemis Cranfield's teachers. Rides Dewey, a horse of considerable digestive character (Dewey ate Alfie's Randy Saloon house hat and was subsequently constipated). Wields a repeater she calls Sunday Morning. Has a dry, patriotic wit and a no-nonsense disposition.

Abilities & Items

Notes & Loose Threads

• Rode ahead to the Cranfield homestead alone while the others ate pancakes
• Discovered the large paw prints in an arc around the Cranfield house heading North
• Shot a rattlesnake lurking in the bushes; fashioned the rattle into a baby toy for Lilybelle
• Accidentally asked Luke Durgin about his butt — a gun fired from inside the house (Session 1 cliffhanger)
• In Session 2: found Joseph Cranfield caught in a beartrap at the front of the Durgin property; freed him; made him a tourniquet from her dress
• Threatened to burn the Durgin house down if Cuthbert couldn't find a magical solution (she was giving him a deadline, not necessarily a plan)
• Gave Cuthbert her Winchester and told him to use it — he could not figure out how it worked
• Had her own words mimicked back at her by the howlers during the fight; unimpressed
• Watched Cuthbert's blood magic execution of the final howler, then shot each wound to provide a rational explanation, and walked away
• Refuses to acknowledge the supernatural as supernatural; still working on Cuthbert's "proof"
• Her little brother is August ("Augie") — she saw him in the cornfield hallucination with his neck snapped and an expression of terror. In the second wave he appeared with his neck restored, as he was "before the bad times." She briefly confused Alfie for Augie during the first hallucination, and nearly called him Augie again later ("you watch yourself, Augie")
• In Session 4, tried to pull her bandana down to re-inhale spores after they dissipated — she wanted to see Augie one more time; stopped by Alfie and then Doctor Webb's hip flask
• Reminded Doctor Webb there is a name in his little black book that both of them wish was still alive — ended the conversation by cocking Sunday Morning when Cuthbert asked who
• Earl is her ex-husband — she had told him to stay away from Hole and stay away from her; he calls her "Junebug"; he occasionally visits her parents for dinner; she told him he would never see her parents again if he screws her during the fight; she gave him a slight smile when he tried to remind her of the good times
• In Session 5, threw acid from her corroded knife at Earl's face — doing Harm; the acid was from the algae fight (Session 4); her knife is now destroyed; she has no blade
• Would have shot Earl if he was not the key to getting access to the Hatchett gang; needs information from the Hatchetts, not just their deaths
• Warned Doctor Webb not to repeat an earlier incident involving a third party (the details were not spoken)
• Used PJ as a messenger — paid him a quarter to cancel school and send parents with Hatchett grudges to the Randy Saloon
• Closed the schoolhouse for the day — posted a sign with an illustration for the illiterate
• Gaslighted Coot O'Dougal into releasing Earl; has previously stolen and replaced some of the keys on his key ring
• In Session 6: extracted the boy's location from Earl — the boy is near the mines North of Hole, at the base of a mountain, in a crevice near a cave not inhabited by animals; Earl only pisses once a day (in the evening) so she knew his outhouse excuse was a lie
• Went to Colin Whipsmart's gun store and arranged a varmint rifle for Doctor Webb; agreed to source semiautomatic guns for Colin as future payment
• Entered Belinda's room, threw Merv's gun out the door, locked herself in; shot off Merv's toe with Sunday Morning to get him talking
• Learned what happened to August in the mine: the Hatchetts met with August over guns and money; guns were pulled; August ran; a pulsating hum; the Hatchetts emerged — August was gone
• She and Earl take out guns on each other regularly; she drew on their wedding day
• In Session 7, Earl was found dead in the barn — shot in the head, surrounded by three Hatchett bodies; she was the one to find him
• Watched Cuthbert snort a blood circle off the floor of the Randy Saloon; her brain simply did not register it
• In Session 8 downtime, gave herself no time to heal (she is feeling things she does not want to); dug Earl an extra-deep grave as a distraction, angry that someone took from her the kill she always assumed would be hers
• While burying Earl, found one of his toes had been shot off — echoing the toes she shot off Merv and Retta — and slipped into denial about whether he ever had ten toes; she took his gun, hat, belt buckle, and guitar pick
• Wrote to her parents: "Earl's dead. He's missing his toe so it might have been the gangrene. Love, Junie."
• Declined Doctor Webb's offer to teach classes; instead taught the schoolchildren about shooting their enemies
• Used the town's new goodwill (after the team protected Hole from the Hatchetts) to gather mine intel: eleven months ago the miners sickened and vanished (mirroring August); the company (Righteous Arminhanmer) covered it up; a shantytown of the missing miners' families sits near the mine
• Rode a full day to the caves near the mines and retrieved Rudy Haines — the boy Earl hid — shaken and terrified, with money, a necklace, and a pocket watch
• In Session 8, was worse for wear on nothing but whiskey and coffee; concealed from the team that Earl's toe was missing
• Grabbed Doctor Webb by the scruff of the neck for telling others her business — that she had "suffered a loss"
• Brought Acting Sheriff Mr Wrigglesworth (a goat — O'Dougal's appointed successor) a sack o' rice, keeping up her habit of ingratiating herself with local lawmen
• Suspicious of Farmswatter (she has a lot of experience with flimflammers); looked into his waggon — vials, distilling gear, and four pulsating cacti that reminded her of "some corn she once saw"; sabotaged the waggon axle to strand him in Hole, then feigned drunkenness and got herself locked inside as his "test subject"
• Trapped with the cacti: drove them back with a butcher's cleaver (Kicked Some Ass); her Bible armour caught their needle spray; found the eight-foot heart-flowered cactus in a vat of offal behind the curtain; took a spine to the neck (2 Harm). Having chosen not to heal her earlier 2 Harm in downtime, she is now Unstable
• In Session 9, recalled that whiskey harmed Bart Fletchley's infected corn and that the cacti resembled it; pushed over a desk for cover; burned her first Luck point to shoot Farmswatter in the stomach
• Got "Robin Hooded" — a second cactus spine split the first down the middle in the same spot in her neck; took repeated Harm from the needle and from pushing herself (giving Cuthbert shooting instructions, distributing drinks, searching the waggon)
• Handed Cuthbert her whiskey (only after a verbal yes) and her repeater to fire; shot the mother cactus, the baby cactus (Sunday Morning), and the final cactus — whose bursting spines flew into the downed Farmswatter's eyes and killed him; saw no reason to apologise
• Self-healed by pulling a spine from her own neck; further healed by Cuthbert's blood-and-chalk paste
• Suggested that, if magic is real, Cuthbert should try to talk to the dead Farmswatter for information — she'd have plenty of dead people she'd like to talk to
• Her whiskey aside, she and Cuthbert had not drunk the tonic, so the red mist did not affect them
• In Session 10 downtime, built a moonshine still (alcohol counteracts the spores and cacti) to guarantee the team a permanent supply of booze — Dan Randy assisted. She also tested and gathered protective face coverings / bandanas as a secondary precaution, helped by the parents of her schoolkids in exchange for longer and more frequent childcare (the parents want more childfree time)
• Taught the schoolchildren to brew moonshine, extolling only its benefits as a disinfectant. She did not tell them that it is a drink
• Dan Randy told her he did not want to watch her work herself into the ground; she told him to "stop looking." She then took his advice anyway — soaked in the hot springs, slept well, ate from the pancake buffet, and made a point of wanting Dan to notice she is looking after herself
• Did the Grampa Entering And Immediately Exiting meme from The Simpsons on hearing multiple Australians in the saloon, then quietly reentered, took pancakes without acknowledging any of the newcomers, and sat apart
• Punched Cuthbert in the face when he proposed bringing Earl back to life; his Order colleagues leapt to defend him and Doctor Webb calmed the room with bedside manner
• Watched the resurrection ritual but did not participate — Cuthbert wanted her along to help dispose of the body afterwards. She found it incredibly satisfying to see Cuthbert, for once, be the one wrangling a team of idiots
• Told Dan Randy privately that she is struggling to discern between what is real and what is not real — including how she really feels. She emptied her flask onto his kitchen floor as a promise that she would be back for a refill
• At the hot springs, waited until Cuthbert was naked, weaponless and in the water, then held Sunday Morning to his head. She believes Cuthbert is the cause of all of the supernatural happenings in Hole and asked whether he is "straight from Hell" — the resurrection she had witnessed that day felt evil to her. Cuthbert failed to persuade her otherwise
• Apologised to Alfie for not telling him sooner to ignore Doctor Webb (she does not believe his werewolf story) and Cuthbert — then shot the unarmed Cuthbert and pushed his face under the water. Gina punched her in the head and the other Order operatives pulled her off; Alfie's tidal wave swept everyone clear
• In Session 11, alone in the dark with the man she had just shot, she asked Cuthbert how he is so good at not knowing anything. She knows nothing. She thought she knew how to keep Auggie safe, but now she knows that she knows nothing — and yet she teaches kids. She also reasoned that if Alfie is involved with all of this, it cannot be all bad
• Cuthbert told her he had turned down Jacob's offer to return him to his original time, and that he will leave Hole if she wants him to. She did not answer. On their return to the springs she wordlessly offered him a shot of whiskey
• The hum offered her a sense of certainty and structure. She failed to resist it but retained control of her faculties, and broke its hold on both of them by firing her gun to deafen them
• Told the party that the Hollowed Ones killed her husband
• Doctor Webb answered her "why do you believe him?" without using Bedside Manner, sensing her wariness of magic — arguing the four of them are stronger as a team
• Teleported into the dark by the man she had just shot; the pair landed somewhere wet and musty instead of Dan Randy's saloon

Session History

Quotes

"Don't you ever tell that man what his name means."
— Session 1

"Is this our business?"
— Session 1

"They're weird but harmless."
— Session 1

"A woman wielding a shotgun in one hand and a baby on her hip in another. This is the greatest country in the world." (sheds a single patriotic tear)
— Session 1

"A little hat."
— Session 1, when Hamish Durgin asked what she fed Dewey

"I don't understand why y'all chasing ghosts."
— Session 1

"Cuthbert, is there any weird fucking shit you can do?"
— Session 2, outside the Durgin house

"Look, clearly the good Lord wanted us to do more talking than shooting. As a good Christian, would you allow us to take the original offer — go inside without weapons?"
— Session 2

"That's all you got?"
— Session 2, to a howler; it repeated it back at her

"I do not sound like that."
— Session 2

"Smart and wise isn't the same thing."
— Session 2, to Richie Durgin

"I don't want… a plant to be the boss of me."
— Session 4

"They were never there. We were tricked like damned fools. By fuckin' cabbages."
— Session 4, explaining the situation to Bart

"Hurry. You might miss them."
— Session 4, directing Bart toward the spores

"Goddammit, this is the one relaxing place in this shithole and now I can't do my skinny dipping."
— Session 4, on finding the hot springs clogged with algae

"Finally someone's talking sense."
— Session 4, when Cuthbert suggested getting more alcohol

"You son of a bitch."
— Session 5, on seeing Earl

"The only thing worse than a criminal is a careless criminal."
— Session 5

"You can but you shouldn't have to."
— Session 5, responding to Doctor Webb's "you can't run forever"

"Does all of this not make you angry? How are you not fuming? Because I sure am."
— Session 5

"Alfie, how many idiots do you know in town who can shoot well?"
— Session 5

"Oops!"
— Session 6, to Belinda after firing Sunday Morning in Belinda's room

"And I was thinking of how I used to have a brother."
— Session 6, to Merv as he sobbed about his toe

"We all know cats can't look after themselves. That ain't the most damn famous thing about them."
— Session 6, when Merv mentioned his cat

"Doctor Webb has been looking at a lottt of butts."
— Session 8

"Maude, in which way did you raise your boys separately to Wilbur?"
— Session 8

"Yes, I think my uterus has been moving around. I think it's in my neck."
— Session 8, feigning drunkenness for H.G.

"I drink but I only drink the good stuff."
— Session 8

"Earl's dead. He's missing his toe so it might have been the gangrene. Love, Junie."
— Session 8, her letter to her parents

"I like to be feared."
— Session 9, when Farmswatter asked if she wanted to deny the town its cure

"Have you fucked this cactus?"
— Session 9, to Farmswatter

"These damn things couldn't have hit me in the ears instead."
— Session 9, gargling through the needles in her neck

"If this shit was real, the things I would do… the revenge I would do…"
— Session 9, on the possibility of talking to the dead

"So stop looking."
— Session 10, to Dan Randy, who said he didn't want to see her work herself into the ground

"Are you straight from Hell?"
— Session 10, to Cuthbert at the hot springs

"Why do you believe him?"
— Session 10, to Alfie and Doctor Webb, of Cuthbert

"Where the hell are we and why have you taken me?"
— Session 11, in the dark, immediately after the teleport

"How do you do it, Cuthbert, and how are you so good at it? Not knowing anything."
— Session 11

"Get us out of here."
— Session 11, her hand finding Cuthbert's shoulder in the dark

"Show me how stupid it is and I'll decide."
— Session 11, on being asked to perform the Order's secret handshake